“We can’t lose each other and let all this glorious love end in nothing.”
Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) reflects on his neighbor, Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio). Recalling the chaotic romance between Gatsby and Daisy (Carey Mulligan), Nick revisits the traumatic existences of himself and his former friends.
Jay & Daisy
Two incredibly dizzy people, Gatsby and Daisy obviously care a great deal for one another, but Daisy’s inability to break off her marriage to Tom (Joel Edgerton) puts Gatsby on edge.
Nothing screams Valentine’s Day like this one, Readers. While people with dependent personalities can rely on others to an unhealthy degree, I like to think of codependency as a shared, unhealthy dynamic. Think about this; the guy lives across the lake from this woman and instead of just walking his ass (or rowing his ass) over to her, he throws lavish parties and only cares if she shows up; that’s a bit ridiculous. Send her a fucking valentine card or something, you big weirdo!
- Need Displacement
One major sign of a codependent relationship is when one person – or both people – tends to put their needs aside in favor of the other party. Relationships do sometimes call for sacrifice or compromise, but this denotes a type of self-neglect that may cause someone lack of sleep, put them in legal or financial trouble, or isolate that person from other friends or loved ones.
- Allowing Abuse
Daisy’s tolerance of Tom’s affairs is one aspect of her own codependent groove with Tom. However, she gets the short end of the stick regarding Gatsby’s insistence that they reveal their secret in a very public fashion. A part of me wishes Daisy would just run off into the sunset and remind both gentlemen that she doesn’t have to be with either of them…but I digress. In all fairness, Daisy’s toying with Gatsby’s heart is also pretty manipulative and constitutes emotional abuse. Some codependent couples abuse each other consistently to keep their relationship a power struggle.
- Should I Stay or Should I Go?
The thing we can all be a bit judgmental about is that people in unhappy relationships actually do know that they are unhappy most of the time. Cutting ties with someone you used to love isn’t so simple, though. Daisy, a woman in the 1920s, realizes that letting go of her marriage not only scars her as a divorcée, but means she’s got to trust that the man who – let me reiterate, could not just stop by her house and chat with her – is going to actually stick around for the long haul. It’s not a great position to be in, and leaves dizzy Daisy second-guessing herself at every turn.
In the end, Gatsby and Daisy, like all codependent romances, are more about drama than genuine love. Whatever your relationship status is, Readers, I hope all of you have a lovely Valentine’s Day!
And for fuck’s sake, if you love your neighbor, just go talk to them.